Is God Always Drunk?

You've gotta love that perfect state of intoxication. A little more than a buzz, but not quite at the stage of declaring "I'm drunk." If you're like me, this amount of drunkenness is awesome because I just love EVERYBODY. All of a sudden I want to call random people I haven't talked to in years and just tell them that they're great. Literally everyone around me is my best friend and I'm full of compliments. The other night I was in such a state and I was thinking, hey, God loves everybody a lot, I wonder if God is always drunk...

Possibly both.

As with any theological question, one must look for answers in scripture. For the sake of comic convenience I will only include evidence in support of the proposition that God is always drunk.

Exhibit A: The Parable of the Lost Sheep

In this parable, we learn that God perseverates on finding things like a drunk person does. You know that person who gets drunk and they're like "dude, we HAVE TO find the Taco Bell/watch Elf/make french fries/build a pillow fort. They are obsessed and will not give up until they get what they want and jubilation ensues. God is the same way when it comes to people. If everyone in the world was doing fine and knew God and was happy except for one person, God would not be content. God will search that person down like a drunk person looking through a high school yearbook so they can drunk dial their crush. And when God finds that person, there will be "joy in heaven."

A kid rescuing a lamb. Cute.

Exhibit B: God mooned Moses

Don't believe me? Verify. This passage is important because it shows that we will not know God's full nature and glory while we are on earth. Not even Moses saw God's face. What sober God would moon somebody to prove this point though?

Exhibit C: John 3:16

God loved the world so much that he sent His only son to die so that we might live. God took on human flesh, walked around making tons of political enemies, and then got hung up to die on a cross. What kind of twisted dare was this? Only someone a few beers deep could ever think that something so painful and dangerous was a good idea. There's no way God loves us enough to pull a crazy stunt like that. Must have been a bar bet.

Exhibit D: The Tabernacle and the Arc of the Coveneant

In Exodus, God speaks to the Israelites and gives them instructions for building all sorts of things that will glorify God. It's fair to say that God goes overboard. The tabernacle, for example, was to be a portable house for God to live in while the Israelites were on the road. Here are God's instructions. Highlights include a wooden frame covered in gold and joined by gold rings, multi-colored curtains of fine yarn, and tapestries woven by skilled craftspeople. The whole thing reads like frat brothers ordering copious take-out. God appears to have a serious case of the drunchies.

Of course, God is not drunk. This is probably even more shocking and amazing than the alternative though. This means that God orders big tabernacles because God is actually worthy of big tabernacles. This means that God seeks after us and suffers for us out of pure love. It is not drunkenness, but extreme compassion that drives God to do things that look crazy to ordinary people like us. That feeling of universal love that we get when we're buzzed, God can be like that all of the time. Now that is truly impressive and worthy of emulation.

Today's drink honors God's sobriety by being non-alcoholic.

Water

God is living water. Also, after being so heretical, I feel I have to make it up to the orthodoxy police by not peddling booze, at least for one week.

So this week, I am encouraging you to stay hydrated by drinking 2-3 liters of water per day.