Time Flies

When I was 10 I went to this kid's birthday party at Stomping Grounds. If you know what Stomping Grounds was, represent. If not, it was a massive indoor playground/arcade/pizza place, much like Chuck E. Cheese. I went in to the playground knowing that I had 2 hours to play. The next thing I knew, it was time to go. As a 10 year old kid, I thought to myself "so that's what they mean when they say 'time flies when you're having fun.'" I learned an important principle of life and felt kind of cool for understanding such a grown-up thing.

Valentine's, Galentine's, Ray Allentine's day

The more you know about the real St. Valentine, the more you recognize the absurdity of Valentine's day. That's why I advocate celebrating alternate holidays that rhyme with Valentine's day. That way it's not making a mockery out of a great Saint and a heroic martyr for the Christian faith. I'm an especially big fan of Ray Allentine's day and Erie canalentine's day. Let me tell you why.

come back to Boston

Cool (hi)story, bro

I love history because it has lots of great stories, all of which are more enjoyable because they're actually true. I came across a story this week that is quite inspiring and very relevant to this blog. It also has the advantage of taking place in Elizabethan England, where "speakarse" was an insult and people said things like "a pox take thee!" This story is not about a pox though. On the contrary, it is about all of the good that beer did for a particular town in 1622.

Super lol Punday

Today's the day! It's the biggest day in American sports. It might be the biggest day in America.There are a lot of sassy comments I could make about how sports have replaced religion in this country. Instead, I would like to recount a conversation that I had with a foreigner while we were at a Red Sox game.

Many Religions: All Wrong, All Right (A guest response)

Well readers, things get better and better. We had an intriguing post last week by a colleague of mine and now we have a brilliant response. I should say this: they are not debating, they are discussing. They are two brilliant people commenting thoughtfully on a topic so that you, the reader, can have some food for thought in thinking about an important question. This is the way the world should work, it's downright civil.

Many Religions, One Message? No. (A Guest post)

Dear readers, today we have a treat. A learned colleague and friend of mine has written something for you to read and think about. After all, what good is a party without a guest? Let me say, his views do not necessarily represent mine. Some of you may even feel your feathers gently ruffled. If so, please comment! I'll let my guest take it from here.

What's a Bosom Buddy?

Have you ever wondered what a bosom buddy is? It's kind of a weird way to refer to good friends. Everyone has heard the phrase, "oh, they're such bosom buddies!" And old people have seen Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari in the old T.V. show about cross dressing men who live together. In fact, the term bosom buddy doesn't necessarily have anything to do with boobs. It is actually a reference to the way that people partied in Biblical times and it illustrates a fascinating theological principle.

Should I Bring Something?

Dear Abby, I'm going to a party tonight. Should I bring something?

The answer is yes. Always yes. Anytime you go to someone's home and do not pay to get in, which is every time once you've graduated college, it's a good idea to bring something to share. This is basic party etiquette. It is not just polite to reciprocate your host's hospitality, it is also really fun to bring something cool to offer. Here's a vital partying tip from yours truly: a way to make a party fun and memorable is to have a lot of different things to try. Bringing good stuff therefore shows that you are invested in the party being a success. This is a great lesson, it must be from the gospel...

Win a Free Drink (Merry Christmas)

Well, readers, It's Christmas time and I would like to give you a gift. I mean besides the gift of my extraordinary wisdom and delicious recipes. At the same time, I would also like to figure out the true meaning of Christmas. Here's my plan: you will tell me about the true meaning of Christmas. Then, whoever gives the best answer, according to my fickle judgment, will have a drink designed just for them and the ingredients for that drink shipped to them, by me, free of charge.

The Utimate Christmas Wish List

Dear Santa, for Christmas this year I want a zip line from my apartment to school, a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue, a high speed rail line from Boston to Arizona, an indestructible bike, books about God, and lots of candy. We all have our lists of things that we want, but around Christmas we take it to the next level. Kids turn in extensive, itemized spreadsheets to their parents detailing every last thing that they wouldn't mind having. Some of these lists can get pretty outrageous. When I was a kid I asked for a Lamborghini (I got a Matchbox version). As crazy as our lists for Santa might get, imagine a Christmas list for God. That would have some really hard-hitting items on it. I wonder if we can find one in the Bible...

The War on Christmas

Hooray, Christmas is coming, everyone to your battle stations! It's time to lace up the combat boots, fire up the tanks, and fight. That's right, we Christians are in the middle of an historic fight for all that we hold dear. One might compare it to the Battle of Tours in 732; the fate of Christendom hangs in the balance. From all sides, the death machine of secular society is closing in on an innocent baby in a manger. Bent on destruction, they will not stop until they have desolated all that is holy. That is, unless we few, we happy few, we band of faithful and pious believers raise the cross as our standard and dash the godless monstrosity on the rocks of our faith. I'm not even kidding.

When You're Here, You're Family

I'm not talking about Olive Garden, I'm talking about Church! Just like a loving family, the only criterion for being loved, valued, and affirmed at Church is that you be there. During the holidays, many of us gather with our families and get that warm, fuzzy feeling. I personally recommend re-connecting, or connecting for the first time, with a Church family this Christmas season. It is sweet and beautiful to share powerful moments with a Church family. If you are wondering what I mean, here is a video of my Church family.

The singer is a member of our Church. The outside world says that she is disabled and weird, inappropriate and annoying. At Church, we love it when she sings her favorite song, "You are my Sunshine." Notice how the whole Church family joins in and when the banjo players figure out the key, she really gets moving! This, to me, is what Church is about. In the Bible, Mary says that God exalts the lowly. This is what that looks like:

  

Beer and Bread: A match made in leaven

Bread is extremely important in the Bible. This is good news to me because I frickin' love bread and the Bible too. During Jesus' last meal with his disciples, he ate bread with them. Like any classy dude, Jesus obviously BROKE the bread, instead of cutting it. Seriously, the Greek word ἔκλασεν (from Luke 22:19) means "he broke," so no one can tell me Jesus didn't know his hosting etiquette. After Jesus broke bread with His disciples, the simple act of breaking bread would never be the same. It was established as a central ritual of the Christian community. Now, anyone who knows anything about the chemistry of beer knows that it is basically liquid beer. Wait a second...

wat?

Oh spotless Lamb, this is my jam!

Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. I didn't make that up, that was Plato. It's true though. There is something special about music. It can bring people together, it can heal, it keeps a record of culture, and no revolution is complete without its own music. Human experiences more basic than, and transcending, the possibilities of language can be represented in music. I made that one up, not bad, huh? Of course, I find experience of God to be one of those special things about being human that is too big and too good to describe accurately with mere words. People throughout the ages have agreed and so they have made beautiful music about God. When such music really hits you and reminds you of an experience of God that you too have had, the correct response is to say "Oh spotless Lamb, this is my jam!"

An Offer you can't Refuse

In the Godfather, one of the greatest movies of all time, Marlon Brando brilliantly plays a savvy and powerful patriarch who runs a family and an organized crime operation (with considerable overlap between the two). When the going gets tough and he really needs to do something for his family or his business, he "makes an offer" that can't be refused. In the movie, the "offer" is that you won't die if you do what the Godfather wants. However, when I was reading today's scripture, I found myself thinking about the Godfather to make sense of what was happening in the story.

I call BS!

There's nothing like a good tall tale. The taller the better. You've got to love sitting there tipping back beers as an old-timer talks about the 4 ton fish he once caught. Or the lady sipping martinis and talking about how she used to be on Broadway. You know they're lying and they may or may not know that you know. Who cares? The more unbelievable the story, the more fun.

This guy is full of it

The Simple Things

There is a theological lesson from a great TV show I watched as a kid. Does anyone remember Hey Arnold! I was just thinking about the episode in which Arnold's neighbor Mr. Hyunh becomes a country music star. First of all, this is funny because the point of the show is to depict city life. That aside, the song is amazing and gets at a very important lesson which we all know to be true, even if we forget about it. Prepare for nostalgia, here's the song:

The Simple Things

Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting

An unfortunate side-show to the bar scene is the bar fight. Some people go out just looking for a fight. I guess it's all a part of the rush for them. Or when their inhibitions go down, we see their true colors, their anger and pain bubbling up to the surface. Whatever the cause, alcohol often goes hand in hand with violence, whether it's fighting or even drunk driving. Since I have been making the case that Jesus is a party person who would be out at the bars, what would He do if a fight broke out?

Who is The Greatest Christian Drinking Country?

Today is world communion Sunday, which means that literally billions of Christians around the world will all be taking communion. It is a celebration of solidarity and a celebration of global Christianity. In honor of this day, I have ranked the top 10 Christian drinking countries. That is, the countries who have contributed the most to Christianity AND to drinking, my two areas of expertise. Both areas will be weighed and preference will be given to well rounded contestants. The list represents my opinion and I hope you will argue vigorously with me.

An alcohol and Jesus showdown between nations

In Vino Veritas

The old Latin saying "in vino veritas" means that in wine, there is truth. In other words, alcohol has a tendency to loosen up people's tongues (among other things). For some reason, a few stiff drinks can make people more open and honest than they would otherwise be. When people's inhibitions are lowered, apparently they are less afraid of being truthful. Or less capable of lying. In fact, the Roman historian Tacitus observed that members of Germanic tribes always drank during tribal councils, believing that no one could pull off a lie when they were drunk. Our congress should try that approach.

"Screw it... *hiccup* ya dude I'm spying on you,"