The Idolatry of the Martini

For crying out loud, a vodka martini is not a martini. And if a vodka martini isn't a martini, then some kind of "Viennese-caramel-and-sea salt-candied-apple-ganache-with-truffle-infused-alpha-wolf-urine martini" DEFINITELY isn't! I'm all for experimenting with different fancy and delicious drinks, but if it's not gin, vermouth, and an olive/lemon peel, don't call it a martini. I have a theory that restaurants and bars want to capitalize on the martini's popularity, classic appeal, and name recognition to market their own drinks. After all, you don't hear about about ewe milk and curacao white Russians, do you? This same trick gets pulled on God all of the time; calling things God that really aren't God. It's called idolatry.

Not a martini

There are numerous scriptural warnings against idolatry. The first one is Exodus 20:3-6 where God demands "have no other Gods before me." The people are also not supposed to make any carved images of God. Later on, there is the famous "golden calf" debacle where people are worshiping a solid gold statue of a calf. I'll be the first to admit that such a statue would be really cool. Not worthy or worship though.

There's a modern day version of the golden calf, the bronze bull. It lives in NYC and looks like this:

It represents money and people worship it. Maybe not the bull itself but certainly everything that it represents. I couldn't resist including it because it's a metal bovine, making it eerily similar to the golden calf. The worship of money has a lot of horrible consequences, like the existence of sweatshops, slavery, deforestation, financial crashes, predatory lending, etc. When you actually come face to face with the effects of money idolatry, you start to understand why God was jealous and said "only worship me." God was trying to protect us.

Of course, money idolatry isn't the only kind of idolatry that threatens us today. Plenty of people worship the state, the church, or their own political ideals. Whether or not they actually sing hymns to the Democratic party is irrelevant. There are many modern Christians who are not in it for Jesus, but love the Bible because it gives them justification for their own political beliefs. I have seen it on both sides of the spectrum and have been guilty of it myself. There ought to be room for people with widely different views if all of them have Christ in common.

Have you ever seen the terrifying images of Nazis saluting the fuhrer? It is chilling to watch people bow before a human being and give that person ultimate power. This has been perhaps the most dangerous idolatry in history. Whether Nazism, Maoism, or imperialistic nationalism, the elevation of the state to divine importance has never turned out well.

I think that, just how bars market their drinks as martinis because people love martinis, other institutions present themselves as God because people love God. People love to trust in greater causes that transcend groups. People love to give honor and glory to amazing, powerful things. People also love to feel like they are doing the right thing. Take some political ideology, put it in a temple, make up some songs, and you've got idolatry. Take vodka and sour apple schnapps and put it in a martini glass, you've got alcoholatry. It's easy to sell, but not the real deal.

Don't get me wrong, fake martinis are delicious drinks. They are not the gestapo of bartending. Similarly, some of the things that get turned into idols are perfectly good things, like democracy. The trick is to not let these things become our ultimate goal and the source of all meaning for our actions. People love causes that transcend groups, but only one cause transcends all groups, and that is God. Only God loves all people equally and so only service to God ultimately puts us on the right track. Democracy has its shortcomings, money damn sure does too, and even the most well-reasoned political ideology leaves someone out, if not in theory then always in practice.

We're all worshiping something, it seems like a good idea to figure out what it is and, if it's not God, get our acts together. Please don't get snobby the next time you're at a bar though (or Church for that matter). Just order a real martini and enjoy it.

Two recipes today, a real martini and a fake one.

Martini

There has been historical variation in the ratio of gin to vermouth. Originally, martinis were half and half, 60 years ago it was hip to pour a glass of gin and gesture toward Italy. My recipe is a compromise.

2.5 oz gin, 1 oz dry vermouth. Combine and shake over ice, strain into chilled martini glass, garnish with olive on a toothpick or with a lemon twist.

Ginger Binger "martini"

2 oz Grey Goose La Poire pear vodka, 1 oz Domaine de Canton ginger liqueur. Combine and shake over ice. Strain into chilled martini glass and garnish with slice of ginger.

This drink is very good and very strong so I wouldn't be surprised if you start worshiping it, but please try not to.